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by Gudrun Sanden, Norway


A life changing process at the EARTh pre-convention in Kemer.


The topic of the group exercise with Hans TenDam in the first day of the pre-convention was reliving a failed and a successful initiation experience.

At the second day of the pre-Convention, as the last demo client, I went through an initiation which showed us something special. As Hans had told us, there are different reasons that an initiation can go wrong. The student may not be ready and mature for the process. For various reasons, it can still be done if the teachers do not recognize this, or if it is power in the game. An initiation which goes wrong can end with death, or you can lose your mind. In both cases, it will have a big impact on many lifetimes. As Hans taught us, it can be seen as a combination of strong developed skills and big contrast to some helpless, childish parts without the possibility to grow and mature. I have felt this contrast in my own life.

My demo should take place after the coffee break, it means, I had a lot of time to go into regression mood. Already before Hans picked my name, my body had started to react. Something in me knew and had already begun the process.

I got nauseous, dizzy, and shocked, my knees where wobbly and I could hardly walk. Pictures came to me from a lifetime I have seen parts of, during the years when I worked with my colleagues. We have for years recognized each other and worked on shared themes. We go into a meditative state and enter lives where we have common issues on which we can work. The methods will be connected to the theme, it can turn out to be bodywork, more healing or understanding. It always brings some knowledge and soothing, still some themes are so complex, that we just got glimpses of the story.

What I had experienced was myself in a body with a totally blurry consciousness, a very tall head, it felt like it would not end but was connected upwards, like I was the marionette of someone. My limbs were weak, thin, and just hanging, like for no use. I felt like I was chained to the wall behind me. The place was in a downwards going rotunda, like a tower but dug in smaller and smaller circles down in the earth. The walls, spiral, or circles, were plastered with well-formed big flat stones, like for wagons, vehicles, or processions.

So, when I had seen these scenes before, the feelings had not been very strong; but this time they struck me with an intensity I had never felt. The pain in my head, in my skull was immense. During the coffee break, before we started the demo session, I realized that someone drilled out a big piece of my skull around the crown chakra. The pain was immense, I could hardly walk, and I lost my eyesight.

As the process with Hans started, it turned out to be the reminiscences of a failed initiation in the Central/South America, about 2500-3000 years ago.

I was a young boy/man, teenager, waiting for my initiation. I was meditating in my cell. A cell carved out in the mountain, or a cliff formed like a horseshoe. In front of the caves, there was a flat and organized open square with green grass and a road. There were 7 cells, in each cell a young man. The cell in the middle was for the one who was ready for the initiation.

In this tribe, as it seemed to me, the custom was that only the initiated men were allowed to be the fathers of the children. They developed themselves bodily and spiritually to make the tribe strong, wise, and mature. I was sitting in the cell in the middle, just ready for my initiation, when five men came to lead me along the plastered road to the entrance of the initiation place, which was a kind of a throne. As those five priests coming to lead me to the ceremony, suddenly, in the process with Hans, I felt something hindering my breath, and realized that, they had put a kind of rope around my throat. Then I realized that the energy in and around the leading person, the one in front, had red and black energy moving light zigzag patterns in and around him. I was paralyzed and numb, my own will was taken from me, I had to follow. The other four, who were walking like in a pentagram, one in front, two at the sides and two in the back, seemed to act more like programmed or automatically. It was obvious who the leader was. Now, we were about to enter the door to the hall, dug into the mountain as a cave, and as I passed that door or entrance, I was in three parts: one bigger in the middle for the main priest and the aspirant, the one who should be initiated, and two smaller ones each side for the four servants or followers, who also were priests but with a lower rank.

I felt something around my neck which made it difficult for me to talk and to breathe. I had this sensation in the coffee break before the demo session started. Now in the session, I realized that they had put on me something like an energy string or a physical one, I do not really get it. but this thing, as I passed the entrance, cut out my larynx so I could not speak or shout.

Then as we entered the cave, a round hall with a large, vaulted ceiling, they started to drill out a large area of my skull around the crown chakra. Then I felt as if they implanted a kind of an energy connection with some extraterrestrial consciousness which is far out in the universe. That made me feel like a marionette led from very far away. I felt like having a consciousness, like a sleepwalker, like a plant or something who could only reflect very slowly, and hardly act out of my own intentions. My limbs were weak and quite useless.

After the ceremony, they told my tribe, that the initiation did not go well because I was not yet ready. This brought sorrow, shame and pain to my family and the tribe.

As Hans asked me to investigate it in the session, I realized that the tribe had been controlled by intruders. They had been admitted as high-ranking guests, anyhow their intention was to wipe out the tribe and take the gold. As I followed the energy from the five men doing this failed initiation, I saw that their motivation was pure greed. They were not aware of the master they performed services for. Hans asked me to heal the wounds from the initiation.

To heal the old wounds for the tribe and myself, I realized that I had to use a tool that I got in a meditation some years ago. I call it “The Dragon Flame”, the name came to me in meditation. I dress myself in the shape of a golden dragon, I feel the strong tail supporting me, my chest, neck, back and heart area growing big, and I start to blow strong flames like loving energy out of my heart. This action makes space for the human being, and therefore the extraterrestrial force or evil to move back to their own space. In the end of the process, I get a picture that they crawled into a cave. In front of the cave, I put a big stone, draw a circle with a cross or pentagram on it. Doing this, I carry the intention: “Be here where you belong without doing any harm until the time will come for you to be free”. These words came to me in meditation, and I still use them.

After the extraterrestrial energy was recognized and driven away. I had to cope with my own pain. I was so full of sorrow and grief. As a young man, I had prepared for this initiation to do the best for my tribe as the servants for the Divine. Seeing that my failed initiation was the beginning of their fall was unbearable. My whole body shaken, and my soul felt broken, I was devastated, seeing, and taking it in. I saw how I had been alive for a long time, without any possibility to talk and talk about what had happened. Most of the time I just existed in my own clouded world, sometimes I was allowed to walk around, and for long times I was chained to the wall in the downwards going prison. The whole time being confused. I was chocked and shaken by tears taking in all this. Hans told me to heal the past life through looking at the childhood and the life I had lived before the false initiation. It was a happy life, looking at it gave a lot of healing. seeing everyday life, feeling all the love. Also, a beautiful meeting with my whole tribe took place. I saw that some are incarnated, some are in the spiritual realm, and some active in other dimensions. There was a lot of healing, and I felt my life had been completed in a wonderful way. He asked me to connect with the boy, put my hands on his shoulder and assure him that he was utterly innocent and that I will be there for him. I see how he walks his own way in a free and natural way. Hans also made me say, “I am always here for you, and you are welcome to come back whenever you want”.

Then Hans told me to cope with the extraterrestrial energies causing it all. Then I realized that I got a light structure with three foots or point to support me, and that my tailbone and spine turned into a light structure which ended above my head in a diamondlike spot. I got that this was the energetic way, my consciousness was shown to me. With this I entered their heads or consciousness field, and it all fell like an old balloon losing air. All then parts fell to the grown as rotten leaves. There they turned into soil, black, deep, and nourishing soil, for new life to grow. So, this was my insight, and Hans confirmed it. When they are met, recognized and delt with, they lose their power and turn into growth. But only if we do that, as Hans said, “If not, the soul crumble”. So, when we do change initiations like this, or in normal life when we meet energies, not wanting the human beings to grow, they are, or can be manuals, where we develop our spiritual strength.

Then Hans asked me to look at my skull, where they drilled the hole. It was healed, and at the same time supported and connected with universal wisdom through the light construction I mentioned and the diamondlike star. Hans suggested that I should meet the tribe again. That was overwhelming, a big stream of light and love flow between us, some on the earth and some in other dimensions. I felt a strong sensation in my chest, Hans asked me to open it, and a big flow of love streamed out, all the love the boy had felt for his tribe could be set free. Then I realized that the possibility to trust and to know who to trust is deeply connected with being self-aware and has a strong Kundalini source with tailbone and spine connected. So, the main theme was to get back parts of my wisdom, connected with trust and love. Hans suggested it will make a huge difference in this and following incarnations. The process has indeed been lifechanging. I am deeply grateful.

So dear Hans, dear EARTh thank you all.

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Yasemin Tokatli